When I was at my heaviest I would start my day promising myself that I was going to eat healthy for every meal so that when I woke up the next day I would weigh less than the day before. Every day would start this way and based on what I ate during the day every night would end with me telling myself I would try harder tomorrow. I was easily distracted from living a healthy lifestyle and instead gave into temptations time and time again. A simple trip to the grocery store would put me into a tailspin as soon as I walked by the bakery section. If someone invited me to dinner, it was like I forgot what food looked like and ended up eating all of the dishes on the right side of the menu.
I still have days that are harder than others. There are some days that I revert back to old habits. I think the only thing that is saving me is the fact that I’m working out every day. I was hoping that as I got closer to reaching my goal of losing 100 pounds that the temptation of my favorite foods would go away but it hasn’t. There are temptations all around me. The other day my husband made bread pudding for himself and when he went into the other room I put a piece in my mouth but before I took a bite I threw it away. I went out to dinner with girlfriends last week and every single one of them ordered dessert. Our entire table was covered in ice cream, cookies, and cobblers. It was both a dream and a nightmare at the same time.
As much as I appreciate the compliments from friends and family on how great I look I’m not as concerned with the cosmetic results of my weight loss. I am more concerned with being healthy. I want to feel less anxiety around food. I would like to be able to have a more normal relationship with it. I would love for it to not be a drug anymore. So for now I am going to keep going and stay focused. My next goal is hitting 170lbs and I’ve got my work cut out for me. As always thank you for reading and thank you for your continued words of encouragement.
photo credit: Jill Badlotto (www.beanandthestalk.com)